


Not a Hero (darkness)

by KiTTzu



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Civil War Team Iron Man, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Hurt Tony Stark, Feels, Gen, Guilty Tony, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Tony, Hurt Tony Stark, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Iron Man 1, Post-Iron Man 3, Sad Tony, Sad Tony Stark, Self hatred!Tony, Self-Hatred, Self-Sacrificing Tony Stark, Self-hate tony, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Deserves Better, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Nightmares, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Tony Stark Has Self-Esteem Issues, Tony Stark Has Trust Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark is Not a Villain, Tony Stark-centric, Tony-centric, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, all the feels, and the angst, someone please give him a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 20:25:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15670647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiTTzu/pseuds/KiTTzu
Summary: The continuous onslaught of memories, furious and banging on the walls of his mind. He can't stop them. And he hates it.They're right about him. He's no hero.(Originally posted on fanfiction.net)





	Not a Hero (darkness)

It's the darkness. The darkness that eats him up inside. _Consumes_ him. Darkness. Afghanistan, Hammer, New York, Killian, Sokovia, Ultron, the Civil War and just the _darkness._ The _deaths._

And he hates it.

The continuous onslaught of memories, furious and banging on the walls of his mind. He can't stop them. No matter how hard he tries, no matter what he does he can't undo those memories, so he hides them instead. He has a mask. Well, everyone really does, he supposes, but his is flawless, polished up by arrogance and alchohol to the point that there isn't a single crack. It's perfect. _He is perfect,_ they think.

If only.

No-one ever sees his true self, maybe Pepper did, maybe Rhodey did, hell, maybe even _the team_ did, but that was before. There's no team. Not anymore. He's a different man now, he's changed again. No-one knows who he truly is, the amount of _pain_ hiding behind those sick eyes.

Sometimes he wishes Iron Man never happened, that he'd just died in that _god forsaken cave_ with Yinsen. It was better before all that, when he was just a selfish, arrogant billionaire, no care in the world. At least he was _happy._

But Tony Stark doesn't deserve fucking happiness.

No matter how much good he does, it can never overcome the bad he's done. Just by being alive he has made lives more miserable. And the _guilt_ , of knowing this is all _his fault_ , no matter what they tell him. He was attacked by his own weapons. It was only after that, that he got it into his _thick skull_ what he'd been doing all these years. He was _killing people_ while telling the world _(and himself)_ he was saving them.

And then there was New York. Aliens, Other Dimensions, fucking _gods,_ it all hit him in the face that really, he knows nothing. Seeing the vast, cold, _emptiness_ of space itself had scared him in a way he didn't think possible.

And then the time he tries to do the _right thing,_ to _protect_ people, to make right all the wrongs he's done, thousands die. A whole city is destroyed. And it's all his fault. _It was a mistake,_ they said. _It's not your fault,_ they said. _You didn't mean for this to happen,_ they said. But in the end, it was him.

The next time he tries to do the right thing, the team is _ripped apart._ It was inevitable. Bruce said it himself, they're a _time bomb._ But if it weren't for him, they'd all be together. They'd be _happy._

But he fucked up. Again.

Maybe he should just quit trying to do the right thing.

Howard was right.

Steve was right.

They're all right.

He's no hero.

* * *

 


End file.
